Thursday, September 04, 2003

Underneath The Overhead?

I was originally going to add this to the comments on this post of Eloon's but then it got too large for that so I've made it a post of my own instead:

"David Blaine - Above The Below" is surely one reality TV show too far. The guy's going to be in a box. Up in the air. With no food. What's to watch?

*slips into really deep geordie accent a la Marcus Whatsisname*

Daee Wun. Eight Forty-Five P.M.
David Blaine climbs into a perspex box in front of an audience of three men and a dog. He gives the crowd a GMTV stare until the lid is closed and he is lifted off the ground.

Eight Fifty p.m.
The crowd wanders off looking for something better to do. David Blaine settles down for his first night Above The Below...


Daee Twelve. Naan Fifteen A.M.
As the thousands of commuters heading for work pass underneath him, David Blaine desperately tries to catch someone's eye. Suddenly, one of the commuters looks upwards and sees The Box. He stares for at least half a second before shaking his head sadly and hurrying off to his office.....


Daee Twenty-Tooo. Wun P.M.
David Blaine has not drunk any water now for over ten hours. I asked several passersby why they thought that was.

Passerby 1 - "Well it's obvious innit? He's, like, protestin', right, that nobody's watchin' 'im, innit?"
Passerby 2 - "Maybe he's just not very thirsty?"
Passerby 3 - "Sorry, David who?"...


Daee Thirty-Seven. Tooth-Hurty A.M.
David Blaine has not moved for more than forty-eight hours and has not drunk anything in over tooo weeks. There is absolutely no speculation as to why because nobody else has noticed yet...


Daee Forty-Four. Seven-Thirty P.M.
After six and a half weeks in The Box, David Blaine is just half an hour from freedom. The crowd is even bigger than when he went in because of a couple of drunks who have taken up residence on a bench nearby. David Blaine has not moved at all since ten P.M. on Daee Thirty-Four.

Eight P.M.
The Box is lowered to the ground and the lid is removed. Just as a doctor is about to check for a pulse, David Blaine leaps up.

"Haha! Fooled you all!", he says. "You all thought I was dead, didn't you!?!"


*gets rid of accent*

Thought? No, David, we haven't thought of you at all.

No comments: