Dear Santa,

I know people usually send you letters through the post but I like to move with the times and don't have your mobile number so thought I'd just post it here for you to read. Besides, I heard the letters all just end up with some spotty git in Birmingham who is neither fat nor jolly and that just wouldn't be right.

Anyway, I have been a good boy this year (well, apart from that  incident in March but nobody got seriously hurt and they were all saying something ridiculous about you not being real so it doesn't really count, does it?) so here's a list of what I want for Christmas.

1. The hungry to be fed.
2. The sick to be healed.
3. The poor to be made wealthy.
4. Peace across all the earth.
5. Goodwill between all men.

Failing that, I will settle for this instead.

If you require more than the usual mince pie and glass of sherry left on the mantelpiece, please leave your order in the comments and I'll see what I can do. Please bear in mind, though, that the mantelpiece isn't very large and is usually covered in candles and decorations by Christmas Eve.

Thank you.

Dave